What does a New Year mean to you?

With everyone celebrating the turn over of a New Year, I began thinking about what it really means to me, for me. New Year’s resolutions? I have none, and I’ll tell you why, but I wonder what does a New Year mean to you?

So it is now 2018. I think big deal. It is just another day for me. I have no specific resolutions, aspirations or intentions for this year. This is not because of the depression I suffer. It is because with the things that have happened to me, I just consider each day a new year. A new day to move forward, a chance to make my life better than it was before.

We must move forward EVERY day.

When you are in a Domestic Abuse situation, you think about each and every day, each hour, each minute. You wonder what will happen next, you wonder when it and if it will end. So when you are finally free of the continual stress – which is your resolution, your goal EVERY day – you actually feel elated for a short time, and then very deflated.

Why would I feel deflated?

The life you had was predictable in an unpredictable way though. You knew the routine, you knew your situation, you lived in and breathed it. But with your freedom, you feel safe for a while, but then you start to think where to now, what do I do, where do I go, what do I do with my life – because everything you knew is gone, you feel empty. It is a combination of Stockholm Syndrome and Cognitive Dissonance, something I discovered reading an article by Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist, which you can find here: http://drjoecarver.makeswebsit…

Statistically, Christmas and New Year is the time when most people decide to end their lives, because they feel that these end of the year celebrations is no better for them. If you have this feeling, don’t ignore it, recognise it and realise this is part of the growth of your self empowerment. It is a hard struggle, and truthfully a bad time for me, as my daughters birthday is January 4th, and I am not a part of my children’s lives, so it really is an emotionally draining two weeks. My last two New Years celebrations turned out to be quite abusive, so it is actually a reminder of some bad times, however looking at it as another day I do not have to worry about abuse is far more a celebration than anything.

But now what?

Each day is a new day for a survivor of Domestic Abuse. A New Year is no time to decide to change your life. You do that each and every day that you are moving forward. You have ups and downs, but it is always a step AWAY from the situation. Perhaps if you feel that the New Year is a time that you feel you have to have a list, then make them physically attainable. Like a new dress, hair or nails done etc, make them about yourself personally. Because you have already made the best emotionally attainable list for New Year possible – the day you got away from the abusive situation.

 

 

2 thoughts on “What does a New Year mean to you?

  1. Hi Deborah,

    I first want to say you are a very strong and loving person and I am very happy you are out of that situation.
    Whether it’s verbal or physical Domestic Abuse is a horrible thing.

    It’s very tough to learn what life should be once you are apart of that life day in and day out. I understand you do learn what to expect and when it’s not there any more you just wait for something that doesn’t happen anymore.

    It doesn’t have to be New Years to celebrate and a new day because you are correct every day should be a celebration.

    Good luck on your New Life’s Journey you will find your way.

    Ann

    1. Thank you Ann for your encouraging words. I like that – a New Life – instead of a New Year. It’s still hard, and I still wait with expectation, and it gets lonely. But forward and never back right? Never back.

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