Everyone has that dream of a perfect relationship, some of us discover that relationships can be abusive, toxic and even deadly. Of those in abusive relationships, many of us have hope and wonder – can a toxic relationship be fixed?
Firstly we should examine what a toxic relationship means. If you google “toxic relationship” there are many websites that pop up, but no real dictionary term. Psychology Today has a pop up box which defines it as this: A toxic relationship is any relationship that is unfavorable to you or others. The foundations of any relationship, healthy or not, are most commonly established upon mutual admiration and respect, but can, in time, become remarkably unhealthy. … Toxic relationships can be caused by two polar opposite personality types. (for more information click here https://www.psychologytoday.co…
Wikipedia redirects the term ‘toxic relationship’ to ‘psychological abuse’. Here is it’s determination of that: Psychological abuse (also referred to as psychological violence, emotional abuse, or mental abuse) is a form of abuse, characterized by a person subjecting, or exposing, another person to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder. It is often associated with situations of power imbalance in abusive relationships including bullying, gaslighting and abuse in the workplace.
I think it is safe to say that a toxic relationship is bad for you.
So, can it be fixed?
Without saying that I condone the reasons or methods behind toxic ‘suppliers’ for the want of a better word, I do agree that there are levels of toxicity. From the real bad extremes of power and control, which are unlikely to change, to the lesser of the evils, where it may be just jealousy ruling the roost.
The lesser levels is where I believe change can be something to hope for. If it is just simple jealousy, where perhaps the opposite sex features predominately on your social media friend list, well, from my point of view, even being the victim, I insisted that all young females half his age be removed from his list. Because there is no need for endless amounts of women in swimwear that are half their age that they don’t even know to be on his list. So fair’s fair, you reciprocate and remove ones from your list. But hey if they are family – even extended family – you have every right to have them. If they are co-workers, old school mates, old friends, anyone that has a genuine reason to be on your list, you keep them. But really, why do we need that person who is a friend of a friend of a friend who might be a mutual friend of your brothers ex girlfriends flatmates best friend?In my case I just wasn’t on facebook anyway!
But you can help some minor issues. Because perhaps that toxic supplier is suffering from their own lack of self esteem. You don’t want to have to consistently butter them up, put them on a pedestal etc, but if you can also recognise their needs in the emotional relationship, then perhaps a balance can be found. Counselling, for singles or couples, may be a good start. Communication is always the key in a relationship, and if personal boundaries can be effectively put in place and be respected and trusted, then yes, it may be worth a try if love is still there.
However, you do not want to be the toxic user forever, where you feed off their behaviour and continually try to keep things calm and better, only to see that those good times are getting overrun by the bad. That is definately an indicator that the toxic relationship can not be fixed. Do not waste your time. Empower yourself.